C is for… the Curse of Celebrity

Small Pox, polio, measles…all have been tackled by modern medical science and all roundly beaten. But some diseases remain a blight on society with the most destructive and debilitating being the curse of celebrity.

…but there is hope.

Although a full cure remains a distant dream scientists in Canada have managed to replicate the condition in laboratory conditions on normal members of the public.

In their seminal trial 100 people were fed 6 pints of beer each within a one hour period.

The results were startling, mirroring the behaviour and attitudes of many modern celebs.

It was observed that the subjects:
– talked excessively without making any sense
– became overly emotional
– couldn’t drive
– failed to think rationally
– argued over nothing
– refused to apologize when wrong.

The hope is that now the condition can be temporarily replicated a more complete understanding can be developed.

Practical uses for celebrities…

In the ongoing quest to find a practical use for socialites and celebrities UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon has spoken out.Since becoming the head of the United Nations Ban Ki-Moon has overseen a doubling in the number of celebrity UN Goodwill Ambassadors.

“Yes there may be more qualified people about but ultimately, at the end of the day, when all said and done, if one of these celebrities gets eaten in a famine zone then….meh!”

Lindsay Lohan does Playboy

You start partying with the wrong crowd
drinking too much…
dabbling with recreational drugs,
then harder drugs.

Next you have to steal…
…getting into trouble with the police along the way

And finally the only thing left to do is sell your body.

In 5 years Lindsay will either turn into the best character actor ever, or there will be plenty of royalty free pictures of her naked…from the morgue.

Kim Kardashian’s romance.

Kim Kardashian’s romance with Kris Humphries is over after announcing their divorce after just 72 days of marriage.

Now many commentators look on this as just a publicity stunt to shore up dodgy ratings and promote brand Kardashian…

However others speculate that Kim came to the realisation that even though she had married a giant not even he could make her ass look any smaller.

…irreconcilable differences right there.