Scientists – Yes we sometimes make it up!

Scientists have been forced to admit that they’ve been making stuff up in a bid to ensure people don’t lose faith.

Earlier this week researchers at the CERN facility in Europe were forced to admit that their ground breaking experiment OPERA hadn’t in fact proved that neutrinos travel faster than light.

Initially suspicions focussed around problems with their stop-watches but after a thorough re-run of the experiment it was discovered that the Large Hadron Collider had in fact been unplugged by a cleaner a few months previously.

No Officials were available for comment but the cleaner involved in the incident said:-

“What people don’t realise is that there is an awful lot of money riding on us pushing back the boundaries of physics. If we’re not delivering the big headline grabbing discoveries then people will lose faith in science.  

You have to keep people believing if you want their money to keep flowing, just look what happened to Christianity- we’re not going to make the same mistake.”

With vast sums of money being diverted into research from cash strapped economies some people have questioned the validity of scientific endeavour. A local con artist expressed his admiration for the work at CERN

“You have to admire these guys walking off with billions of dollars to fire invisible rays through 732km of rock between two countries to prove that they arrive 0.00000006 seconds quicker than a beam of light.
It’s a great con!
The only thing it lacks is a guy in a wheelchair to pull in the sympathy vote.”

Faster-than-light neutrinos could be down to bad wiring

27 thoughts on “Scientists – Yes we sometimes make it up!

  1. I think you may have misread what happened or just chosen the most cynical take on the outcome. It happened that they got a result that didn't jive with their preconceived beliefs and they went about figuring out how it happened. They figured out a loose cable appears to have been why.

  2. I have a dirty little secret, I have a Ph.D. in neuroscience and I am a published scientist. Yes, I've published in Stress, Physiology and Behavior and in JAMA over the years. I had my own lab and researched the effects of prenatal stress on the developmental trajectory of the amygdala over a lifespan. I never faked data, not once. Nor did I throw out "outliers" in my data set. My work lived or died based on the real numbers and it always stood, every single time.

    The only problem here is with the word "prove". Science cannot prove anything. Statistically a positive result only allows you to prove that you have not made a Type I or Type II error in your statistics. Scientists know this. The press and the layman do not.

    And I spent a year in a wheelchair after being hit by a tram in a parking lot. The woman in the wheelchair just arrived.

    1. A woman of many layers…and a small world, my field was Biochemistry…

      One of my favourite jokes is:-
      Scientist – My findings are pointless when taken out of context.
      Media – Scientist claims "findings are pointless"

  3. Alot of it looks made up because they find new things and then have to admit the old theories were wrong. But yeah as long as they don't blow us up, let them go to it.

  4. They made up a lot of things… Like global warming for instance. Global Warming has been happening and will continue to happen forever and ever. It's the way the earth restores itself to new life again.

    There have been multiple Ice Ages in the past so I don't really get why scientists are mulling about something that's natural.

    1. Last time lots of ice melted 10,000 years ago the water level of the world rose 100ft and lots of land was covered with water, at the rate ice is melting now the water level on earth rose one and a half feet in the last 50 years but is expected to rise even faster soon as a big melt happens again. This could rise the ocean up another 60 to 100 feet and cover lots of coast land in water. Global warming is a big deal.

  5. I don't know. Christianity still seems to vacuum up bazillions of dollars per year, so science should be golden in terms of security in the future years. Wait, that's not really an uplifting defense for science, is it? Or human gullibility:(

  6. Yeesh, everyone in the blogosphere is smarter than me.

    Well. I was already pretty disappointed that the starting of the Large Hardon Collider (not misspelled) didn't kick off some kind of mass-wave cataclysm of some sort, or allowed us to breach some kind of interdimensional veil…

    Really, it just let down every single outcome my writer's mind could concoct. I know science isn't supposed to live up to fantasy, but jeez it's the ending of Contact all over again.

    LOL, this article appears slightly biased to me. I dunno why, I'm sick and can't think straight anyway. Something seems skewed though, huh.

  7. This leads me to facepalm.jpg everytime
    The key to moving faster than light is not in acceleration
    it could be a number of things, state change, space folding, compression, among many other options
    but acceleration, no

  8. any given atom exists in 3 separate locations at any given time, they're all linked in such a way that anything effecting one will effect all, and they can be any distance from another, using what we know in relation to that it is entirely possible to rapidly shift a collection of atoms from one location to another with no particularly adverse or permanent effects if done right

  9. I don't see investing money in this as a wrong step. Research like this can jump our technologies at insane speeds, so I think it is worth the investment.

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