Scientists have been forced to admit that they’ve been making stuff up in a bid to ensure people don’t lose faith.
Earlier this week researchers at the CERN facility in Europe were forced to admit that their ground breaking experiment OPERA hadn’t in fact proved that neutrinos travel faster than light.
Initially suspicions focussed around problems with their stop-watches but after a thorough re-run of the experiment it was discovered that the Large Hadron Collider had in fact been unplugged by a cleaner a few months previously.
No Officials were available for comment but the cleaner involved in the incident said:-
“What people don’t realise is that there is an awful lot of money riding on us pushing back the boundaries of physics. If we’re not delivering the big headline grabbing discoveries then people will lose faith in science.
You have to keep people believing if you want their money to keep flowing, just look what happened to Christianity- we’re not going to make the same mistake.”
With vast sums of money being diverted into research from cash strapped economies some people have questioned the validity of scientific endeavour. A local con artist expressed his admiration for the work at CERN
“You have to admire these guys walking off with billions of dollars to fire invisible rays through 732km of rock between two countries to prove that they arrive 0.00000006 seconds quicker than a beam of light.
It’s a great con!
The only thing it lacks is a guy in a wheelchair to pull in the sympathy vote.”