Zuckerburg for President!

Rumours are circulating this week that Mark Zuckerburg is planning to enter the 2012 presidential election race.

Zuck has has started the process of floating Facebook as a publicly-listed company raising between $75bn and $100bn. Which has led to questions about what the ginger 27 year old plans to do with all this cash.

From his desert island hideaway he gave this quote…

“Well I did think about going into music and being the next Michael Jackson…but you know being 27 ain’t a good age for Rock and Roll stardom…so I was looking around and saw some cats posting about Mitt Romney. Then I thought…dude I’ve got more cash than you, and I pay my taxes…plus I know all the crazy shit that goes viral and what all those soccer moms want…

…so maybe its time for the first true ginger president yo yo yo!!!”

The SOPA strikeback

The propaganda machine of the record industry is still fighting against the death of SOPA/PIPA.

Unhappy that people have started thinking for themselves and getting their information from non-media controlled outlets they have accused opponents of SOPA of spreading misinformation:-

“It’s a dangerous and troubling development when the platforms that serve as gateways to information intentionally skew the facts to incite their users and arm them with misinformation,”

In a move designed to throw more toys out of their pram major labels are uniting to cancel upcoming albums from artists and bands that have any degree of talent.

To fill the musical void new albums are being rushed through by Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian with more reality TV shows being commissioned to find more pointless, talentless wannabe’s.

One music industry pundit was asked for his reaction

“Yeah its true about Paris’s second album – pirate that you f**k**s”

Who is Newt Gingrich?

R.gers asked a very good question on my last post – who are Mitt Rhomney and Newt Gingrich?

So for today’s post I thought I’d focus on Newt Gingrich who is currently in a life or death fight with Mitt ‘fantastic four’ Rohmney for the right to take on Super-bama for control of the world.

So here are a few satirical facts about the Ging:-

  • He started life as a Ginger Newt who surpringly got turned into the Speaker of the House when he got kissed by Sarah Palin
  • He fell in love with America to the point where he could no longer be faithful to anything else…including his three wives.
    “There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate…”
  • He took a break from politics to star in NBC’s The Event where he played James Dempsey – the head of a global conspiracy fighting against (amongst other things) the fictitious first black president.
  • He is a dedicated student of Bill Clinton, adapting his approach to openly have no ethics on any issue…and thus insulating himself from any future attack on the strength of his morals…
  • His policy ideas and popularity with Republicans can be summed up by :-

Rupert Murdoch’s Google dilemma

The thing with satire is that no one actually takes it that seriously.
Generally people know you’re taking the p!ss and laugh it off.
After all (especially in the UK) satire has a long and proud history.
The only exception to this is the whole second world war nazi thing.
You can pretty much get away with anything until you introduce a storm trooper uniform or compare someone to Hitler.
Today Tom Harris, Glasgow South MP, uploaded a YouTube clip based on a scene from the 2004 movie Downfall, poking fun at the First Minister’s secrecy over the Scottish independence referendum. Read more here.
…he then had to resign.
In fairness he should have know better… especially in  holocaust week, but still…
Anyway in other news apparently Rupert Murdoch isn’t very happy at Google.
He called them a ‘piracy leader’ while his news organisations are still in court explaining why it’s ok to hack into the voice mail of dead teenagers…glass houses and stones spring to mind.
But I think it maybe runs a little deeper, after all Google’s corporate motto is “Don’t be evil” – maybe Murdoch feels threatened?

…and the Oscar for best Marine goes to…

Troops in Afghanistan are being warned to be careful where they urinate after some un-named soldiers starred in the latest blockbusting Taliban recruitment film.
The pentagon has issued a statement saying “…these guys were just trying to win hearts and minds by helping a local Afghan with his filming project…some of our technicians even helped show him how to add special effects to the movie – and you have to admit the end result is great and really looks like they’re pissing on people”
The Taliban then responded by saying how jolly helpful the Marines had been and how it makes a refreshing change to fight against an enemy that does so much to help keep their cause alive, unlike those pesky Russians.


Global Warming

Al Gore today released details of his new film, a sequel to his 2006 film an Inconvenient Truth.

Don’t be afraid to mix things up

Speaking about the new project a source close to Al said:

“The trick for a good sequel is to do it bigger and better than the original but to also mix it up a bit.

In the first film Al showed us the grave dangers facing the planet from Global Warming…

..in the sequel he’s decided to turn it all on its head and show exactly what higher carbon emissions have saved us from.”

Our source went on to explain how most of the filming will be done in the Arctic with 300 elephants dressed up as mammoths depicting the bleak glacial wilderness that would have enveloped the planet after the 70’s if it we hadn’t of started burning oil like a fat kid with cake

Kim Kardashian’s regrets her break up…

Kim Kardashian was reportedly outraged this week when she realised there would be a celebrity reality TV format that she couldn’t star in.

Friends and other highly paid hangers on rallied around the rounded rear reality socialite to look at potential husbands.

Producers of Celebrity Wife Swap have given Ms Kardashian until spring to get hitched with a view to include her in an Easter special.

Front runner to join the Kardashian empire is Kanye West, with the hope he will change his name to Kanye Kardashian and help promote brand Kardashian.